Five days after 15th July

She remembered a promise to her 21-year-old self: if she made it to 26, she must sit down, take a deep breath, and catch up with life. And here she is, doing exactly that. Catching up.

The other night, I was tidying up the top shelf of my room when I stumbled upon stacks of old journals. Pages filled with scribbles, heartbreaks, dreams, and dramatics. I didn’t realize it's been a decade since I started journaling. Ten years of putting thoughts into ink-pages full of emotions, dreams, little daily rants, and fragments of growing up. I used to be so intense (and honestly, very emo 😆). Now, I find myself more present. More chill. Maybe even ikhlas.

 I live slower now. In a good way.

Three years post-lockdown, three years of wandering around Indonesia. I met so many people—strangers who became friends, coworkers who turned family, and some who were just passing by but still left something behind. It made me realize that humans, deep down, are more similar than different.

And in the middle of it all, there was May 11, 2022. The night Deandra died. My dearest friend, That night split my life. That's very specific moment almost change my perspective: how I love, how I grieve, how I look at time. Made me realize that we truly belong to God. That love is not something we keep—it’s something we witness. And sometimes, something we must accept with open palms.

Back to five years ago, when she was 21—still figuring out life, still living in fast-forwards, still carrying the dreams she made to herself. But life keeps moving. And so do I.

Did I really live this past year????????????????????

I think yes. Boldly, quietly, fully.!!!!!!

I’ve loved myself in many versions, survived things I didn’t talk about, and said yes to adventures the teenage me would never have imagined. I’ve learned to sit with nothing and still feel enough.

I used to be scared I’d run out of time, I realize: living to the fullest isn’t always about chasing—it’s also about choosing. Choosing to be kind, to be brave, to laugh, to forgive, to stay. I remind myself often to be brave, even if that bravery doesn’t roar like it used to. It’s softer now. Gentler. The ambition I once had for career and education has shifted into something deeper: purpose. I still take risks—mad, beautiful risks. Ruang Hasita and Imajinar are proof of that. And I hope they grow wild and wide and full of light.

Sharing this line from Stephen Hawking:

“I could be bounded in a nutshell, and still call myself king of infinite space.”

Its all just more presence. Wherever I go, I try to meet the world with love, and the more I look, the more I see beauty reflected back.

if 21-year-old me could see me now…She’d be happy to see I graduated, found work, traveled across the major islands of Indonesia, became the kind of sister and friend I once hoped to be. She’d see I’ve learned my worth. That I’m no longer ruled by anxiety. That we—I—made it. 

From 21 until 26, every 15th July we—I—always showered by love, laugh, genuine prayers from dearest, closest friends, family. Grateful, always. 

I’m not “everything” I once thought I’d be. but See u at 30! <3